Funny honey Chicago (Musical)

Funny honey Chicago (Musical)
[ROXIE]
Sometimes I’m right
Sometimes I’m wrong
But he doesn’t care
He’ll String along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

Sometimes I’m down
Sometimes I’m up
But he follows ’round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He love me so
That sunny honey of mine

He ain’t no sheik
That’s no great physique
Lord knows, he ain’t got the smarts

Oh, but look at that soul
I tell you, the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts

And if you knew him like me
I know you’d agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why, he’d be right there
Taking the blame

He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny, honey
Hubby of mine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
A man’s got a right to protect his home
and his loved ones, right?

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
Of course, he has.

[AMOS (Spoken)]
Well, I came in from the garage, Officer, and I
see him coming through the window. With my
wife Roxanne there, sleepin’…like an angel…

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
…an angel!

[AMOS (Spoken)]
I mean supposin’, just supposin’, he had violated
her or somethin’…you know what I mean…
viloated?

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
I know what you mean…

[AMOS (Spoken)]
…or somethin’. Think how terrible that would have been.
It’s a good thing I came home from work on time, I’m tellin’ ya that! I say I’m tellin’ ya that!

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
Name of deceased… Fred Casely.

[AMOS (Spoken)]
Fred Casely. How could he be a burglar?
My wife knows him! He sold us our furniture!

[ROXIE]
Lord knows he ain’t got the smarts

[AMOS (Spoken)]
She lied to me. She told me he was a burglar!

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
You mean he was dead when you got home?

[AMOS (Spoken)]
She had him covered with a sheet and she’s givin’
me that cock and bull story abou this burglar, and
I ought to say that I did it ’cause I was sure to get off.
Burglar, huh!

[ROXIE]
Now, he shot off his trap

I can’t stand that sap

Look at him go
Rattin’ on me
With just one more brain
What a half-wit he’d be

If they string me up
I’ll know who
Brought the twine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
And I believed her!
That cheap little tramp. So, she
Was two-timing me, huh?
Well, then, she can just
Swing for all I care.
Boy, I’m down at the garage,
Working my butt off fourteen
Hours a day and she’s up mucnhin’
on god-damn bon bons and jazzing.
This time she pushed me too far.
That little chiseler.
Boy, what I sap I was!

That scummy, crummy
Dummy hubby of mine!

can’t do it alone Chicago (Musical)

can’t do it alone Chicago (Musical)
[VELMA (to Roxie)]
My sister and I had an act that couldn’t flop
My sister and I were headed straight fo the top
My sister and I earned a thou a week at least
Oh, sure!
But my sistr is now, unfortunately, deceased

Oh, I know it’s sad, of course
But a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains
Is the remains
Of a perfect double act!

[spoken]
Roxie, do you know you are exactly the same
size as my sister? Oh, you would fit in her wardrobe
perfectly. Look, why don’t I just show you some of
the act, huh? Watch this.

[VELMA dances]

Now you have to imagine
this with two people.
It’s swell with two people.

First I’d…(drums!)
Then she’d…(saxophone!)
Then we’d…(together!)
But I can’t do it alone!
Then she’d…
Then I’d…
Then we’…
But I can’t do it alone!

She’d say,”What’s your sister like?”
I’d say, “Men,”
Yuk, Yuk, yuk
She’d say, “you’re the cat’s meow”
Then we’d wow the crowd again
When she’d go…
I’d go…
We’d go…

And then those ding-dong daddies started to roar
Whistled, stomped and stamped on the floor
Yelling, sreaming, begging for more.

[spoken]
And we’d say, “O.K. fellas, keep your socks up.
you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

[VELMA dances]

But I simply cannot do it alone!

Well? What did ya’ think? Come on, you can say.

[ROXIE gives her a raspberry]

O.K., O.K. The first part can always be rewritten.
But the second part was really nifty. Watch this.

Then she’d…(See, get it, right?)
Then I’d…(Then I’d kick really high…)
Then we’d…
But I can’t do it alone!
She’d say, “What state’s Chicago in?”
I’d say, “ILL!”
Did ya’ get that?
She’d say, “Turn your motor off”
I can hear ’em cheerin’ still
When she’d go…
I’d go…
We’d go…(Sideways!)
And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction in town
They nearly tore the balcony down

[spoken]
And we’d say. “O.K. fellas, O.K.,
we’re goin’ home, but here’s a few more partin’ shots!”
And this… this we did in perfect unison.

[VELMA dances]

Now, you’ve seen me goin’ through it
It may seem there’s nothin’ to it
But I simply cannot do it
Alone!

[ROXIE turns her down]

Like the deserted bride on her wedding night
All alone and shaking with fright
With her brand new hubby nowhere in sight
I simply cannot do it alone…

Mister cellophane Chicago (Musical)

Mister cellophane Chicago (Musical)
If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You’d notice him

If someone in the movie show
Yelled “Fire in the second row
This whole place is a powder keg!”
You’d notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there…

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there…

Suppose you was a little cat
Residin’ in a person’s flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?
You’d notice him

Suppose you was a woman, wed
And sleepin’ in a double bed
Beside one man, for seven years
You’d notice him

A human being’s made of more than air
With all that bulk, you’re bound to see him there
Unless that human bein’ next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You know who…

Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there…
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there
Never even know I’m there.

Hope I didn’t take up too much of your time

Me and my baby Chicago (Musical)

Me and my baby Chicago (Musical)
My dear little baby – “My dear little baby.”
My sweet little baby – “My sweet little…”

Look at my baby and me!

Me and my baby
My baby and me
We’re ’bout as happy
As babies can be
What if I find
That I’m caught in a storm?
I don’t care
My baby’s there
And baby’s bound to keep me warm

We’re sticking together
And ain’t we got fun
So much together
You’d count us as one
Tell old man, worry, to go climb a tree
‘Cause I’ve got my baby
My sweet little baby
Look at my baby and me

I don’t see how you could possibly delay the trial another second, Mr. Flynn. My readers wouldn’t stand for it. The poor child! To have her baby born in a jail!

I can assure you she’ll come to trial at the earliest possible moment. And you can quote me on that.

Hey, everybody. I’m the father! I’m the father!

Yuk! Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!

Looka my baby
My baby and me
A dream of a duo
Now, don’t you agree?
Why keep it mum
When there’s nothing to hide?
And what I feel
I must reveal
Is more than I can keep inside

Let me assure you
It won’t go away
I can assure you
It grows every day
I was a one once
But now I’m a “we”
‘Cause I got my baby
My dear little baby
Look at my baby and me

I think it’s sweet. First time we ever had one of our girls knocked up.

I’ve got it and it’s brilliant. I’m gonna get Amos to divorce you. That way all the sympathy will go to you – not him. You’ll be the poor, little deserted mother-to-be and that crumb is running out on you.

That’s my kid! That’s my kid!

Looka my baby
My baby and me
Facing the world
Optimistically
Nothing can stop us
So nobody try
‘Cause baby’s rough
And full of stuff
And incidentally, so am I!

Get out of our way, folks
And give us some room
Watch how we bubble
And blossom and bloom
Life was a prison
But we got the key

Me and my baby
My dear little baby
My cute little baby
My sweet little baby
My fat little baby
My soft little baby
My pink little baby
My bald little baby
Looka, my baby and me

Funny honey Chicago (Musical)

Funny honey Chicago (Musical)
[ROXIE]
Sometimes I’m right
Sometimes I’m wrong
But he doesn’t care
He’ll String along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

Sometimes I’m down
Sometimes I’m up
But he follows ’round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He love me so
That sunny honey of mine

He ain’t no sheik
That’s no great physique
Lord knows, he ain’t got the smarts

Oh, but look at that soul
I tell you, the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts

And if you knew him like me
I know you’d agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why, he’d be right there
Taking the blame

He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny, sunny, honey
Hubby of mine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
A man’s got a right to protect his home
and his loved ones, right?

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
Of course, he has.

[AMOS (Spoken)]
Well, I came in from the garage, Officer, and I
see him coming through the window. With my
wife Roxanne there, sleepin’…like an angel…

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
…an angel!

[AMOS (Spoken)]
I mean supposin’, just supposin’, he had violated
her or somethin’…you know what I mean…
viloated?

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
I know what you mean…

[AMOS (Spoken)]
…or somethin’. Think how terrible that would have been.
It’s a good thing I came home from work on time, I’m tellin’ ya that! I say I’m tellin’ ya that!

[ROXIE]
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
Name of deceased… Fred Casely.

[AMOS (Spoken)]
Fred Casely. How could he be a burglar?
My wife knows him! He sold us our furniture!

[ROXIE]
Lord knows he ain’t got the smarts

[AMOS (Spoken)]
She lied to me. She told me he was a burglar!

[FOGARTY (Spoken)]
You mean he was dead when you got home?

[AMOS (Spoken)]
She had him covered with a sheet and she’s givin’
me that cock and bull story abou this burglar, and
I ought to say that I did it ’cause I was sure to get off.
Burglar, huh!

[ROXIE]
Now, he shot off his trap

I can’t stand that sap

Look at him go
Rattin’ on me
With just one more brain
What a half-wit he’d be

If they string me up
I’ll know who
Brought the twine

[AMOS (Spoken)]
And I believed her!
That cheap little tramp. So, she
Was two-timing me, huh?
Well, then, she can just
Swing for all I care.
Boy, I’m down at the garage,
Working my butt off fourteen
Hours a day and she’s up mucnhin’
on god-damn bon bons and jazzing.
This time she pushed me too far.
That little chiseler.
Boy, what I sap I was!

That scummy, crummy
Dummy hubby of mine!

Razzle dazzle Chicago (Musical)

Razzle dazzle Chicago (Musical)
BAILIFF(Spoken)
Mr. Flynn, his honor is here

BILLY(Spoken)
Thank you. Just a moment.
You ready?

ROXIE(Spoken)
Oh Billy, I’m scared.

BILLY(Spoken)
Roxie, you got nothing to worry about.
It’s all a circus, kid. A three ring circus.
These trials- the wholeworld- all show business.
But kid, you’re working with a star, the biggest!

(Singing)
Give ’em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle ’em
Give ’em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give ’em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather ’em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting?

Razzle dazzle ’em
And they;ll never catch wise!

Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle dazzle ’em
Give ’em a show that’s so splendiferous

BILLY
Row after row will crow vociferous

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give ’em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture ’em

BILLY
How can they hear the truth above the roar?

BILLY AND COMPANY
Throw ’em a fake and a finagle
They’ll never know you’re just a bagel,

BILLY
Razzle dazzle ’em
And they’ll beg you for more!

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give ’em the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy ’em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give ’em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger ’em
When you’re in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder
They’ll let you get away with murder
Razzle dazzle ’em
And you’ve got a romance

COMPANY(The same time as BILLY’s)
Give ’em the old
Razzle Dazzle

BILLY
Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle ’em
Show ’em the first rate sorceror you are
Long as you keep ’em way off balance
How can they spot you’ve got no talent
Razzle Dazzle ’em

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle Dazzle ’em
Razzle Dazzle ’em

And they’ll make you a star!

We both reach for the gun Chicago (Musical)

We both reach for the gun Chicago (Musical)
[REPORTERS]
Where’d you come from?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Mississippi

[REPORTERS]
And your parents?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Very wealthy.

[REPORTERS]
Where are they now?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Six feet under.

[BILLY]
But she was granted one more start

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
The convent of The Sacred Heart!

[REPORTERS]
When’d you get here?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
1920

[REPORTERS]
How old were you?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Don’t remember

[REPORTERS]
Then what happened?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
I met Amos
And he stole my heart away
Convinced me to elope one day

[MARY SUNSHINE (spoken)]
A convent girl! A run-away marriage!
oh, it’s too terrible. You poor, poor dear.

[REPORTERS]
Who’s Fred Casely?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
My ex-boyfriend.

[REPORTERS]
Why’d you shoot him?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
I was leavin’.

[REPORTERS]
Was her angry?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Like a madman
Still I said, “Fred, move along.”

[BILLY]
She knew that she was doin’ wrong.

[REPORTERS]
Then describe it.

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
He came toward me.

[REPORTERS]
With a pistol?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
From my bureau.

[REPORTERS]
Did you fight him?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Like a tiger.

[BILLY]
He had strength and she had none.

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
And yet we both reached for the gun
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun
For the gun.

[BILLY AND REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun
for the gun.

[BILLY]
understandable. understandable
Yes, it’s perfectly understandable
Comprehensible. Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It’s so defensible!

[REPORTERS]
How’re you feeling?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Very frightened

[REPORTERS]
Are you sorry?

[ROXIE]
Are you kidding?

[REPORTERS]
What’s you’re statement?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
All I’d say is
Though my choo-choo jumped the track
I’d give my life to bring him back

[REPORTERS]
And?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Stay away from

[REPORTERS]
What?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Jazz and liquor

[REPORTERS]
And?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
And the men who

[REPORTERS]
What?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Play for fun

[REPORTERS]
And what?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
That’s the thougt that

[REPORTERS]
Yeah

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
Came upon me

[REPORTERS]
When?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]
When we both reached for the gun!

[MARY SUNSHINE]
Understandable, understandable

[BILLY AND MARY SUNSHINE]
Yes, it’s perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It’s so defensible!

[BILLY (spoken)]
Let me
Hear it!

[REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun

[BILLY (spoken)]
A little louder!

[REPORTERS]
For the Gun.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun, the gun,

[BILLY (spoken)]
Now you got it!

[REPORTERS]
The gun,the gun
Oh yes. They both reached
For the gun
For the gun.

[BILLY AND REPORTERS]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun.

[BILLY]
Both reached for the…gun

[REPORTERS]
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
Both reached for the gun.

Roxie Chicago (Musical)

Roxie Chicago (Musical)
[ROXIE]
The name on everybody’s lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady rakin’ in the chips
Is gonna be Roxie

I’m gonna be a celebrity
That means somebody eveyone knows
They’re gonna recognize my eyes
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose

From just some dumb mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be Roxie
Who says that murders not an art?

And who in case she doesn’t hang
can say she started with a bang?
Foxy Roxie Hart!

[ROXIE (spoken)]
You wanna know something? I always wanted to be in
Vaudeville. And now that I’m a celebrity, I’m
gonna have me a swell act, too. Yeah, I’ll get a boy
to work with- someone who can lift me up, show me off-
Oh hell, I’ll get two boys. It’ll frame me better.
Think “BIG”, Roxie, think “BIG.”
I’m gonna get a whole bunch of boys.

The name on everybody’s lips
Is gonna be

[BOYS]
Roxie

[ROXIE]
The lady rakin’ in the chips is gonna be

[BOYS]
Roxie. She’s gonna be a celebrity

[ROXIE]
That means somebody everyone knows

[BOYS]
They’re gonna recognize her eyes
Her hair. Her teeth…

[ROXIE]
…My boobs, my nose
From just some dumb mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be
Sing it!

[BOYS]
Roxie

[ROXIE]
Who says that murder’s not an art?

[BOYS]
And who in case she doesn’t hang

[ROXIE]
Can say she started
With a bang?

[ROXIE AND BOYS]
Foxy Roxie Hart

[BOYS]
They’re gonna wait outside in line
To get to see Roxie

[ROXIE]
Think of those autographs I’ll sign
“Good luck to you, Roxie”

And I’ll appear in Lavaliere
That goes all the way down to my waist

[BOYS]
Here a ring, there a ring
Everywhere a ring a ling

[ROXIE]
But always in the best of taste
Oooh I’m a star.

[BOYS]
And the audience loves her.

[ROXIE (spoken)]
And I love the audience. And the audience loves me
for loving them. And I love them for lving me. And
we jus tlove each other. That’s because none of us
got any love in our childhood.

[BOYS (spoken)]
That’s right.

[ROXIE (spoken)]
And that’s show biz, Kid.

[BOYS]
Oh yeah.

She’s giving up here humdrum life

[ROXIE]
I’m gonna be

[BOYS]
Roxie.
She made a scandal and a start.

[ROXIE]
And Sophie Tucker will shit, I know
To see her name get billed below

[ALL]
Foxy Roxie Hart!

[BOYS]
Chuh, chuh, chuh, etc…

[ROXIE (Spoken)]
Those are my boys.

I know a girl Chicago (Musical)

I know a girl Chicago (Musical)
Hello suckers, welcome back. Roxie’s in there being looked over by the State Medical Examiner. She says she’s gonna have a baby. Now why didn’t I think of that?

Can you imagine?
I mean can you imagine?
Do you believe it?
I mean, do you believe it?

I know a girl
A girl who lands on top
You could put her face
Into a pail of slop
And she’d come up smelling like a rose
How she does it, heaven knows.

Well, Doctor, is she or isn’t she?
She is!

I know a girl
A girl with so much luck
She could get run over by a two-ton truck
Then brush herself off and walk away
How she does it, I couldn’t say

So, Doc, would you swear to that statement in court? – Oh, yeah. – Good…you wanna button your fly?

Whilst I on the other hand
Put my face in a pail of slop
And I would smell like a pail of slop

I, on the other hand
Get run over by a truck
And I am deader than a duck

I know a girl who tells so many lies
Anything that’s true would truly cross her eyes
But what that mouse is selling
That whole world buys
And nobody smells a rat.

Can you imagine?
I mean, can you imagine?

Do you believe it?
I mean, do you believe it?

My own best friend Chicago (Musical)

My own best friend Chicago (Musical)
And now, Miss Roxie Hart and Miss Velma Kelly sing a song of unrelenting determination and unmitigated ego.

One thing I know – One thing I know
And I’ve always known – And I’ve always known
I am my own – I am my own
Best friend

Baby’s alive – Baby’s alive
But baby’s alone – But baby’s alone
And baby’s her own – And baby’s her own
Best friend

Many’s the guy
Who told me he cares
But they were scratchin’ my back
‘Cause I was scratchin’ theirs

And trusting to luck – And trusting to luck
That’s only for fools – Only for fools
I play in a game – I play in a game
Where I make the rules
And rule number one
From here to the end
Is ‘I am my own best friend’

Three musketees
Who never say die
Are standing here this minute

Me – Me
Myself – Myself
And I! -And I!

If life is a school
I’ll pass every test
If life is a game
I’ll play it the best
‘Cause I won’t give in
and I’ll never bend
and I am my own best friend!